-- Posted by We Regret To Inform U on Fri, Sep 21, 2012, at 10:44 AM
Good one Regrets.
I have proof he was in Bollinger County in the late 1800's from an old family photograph.
You wouldn't think he was that old.... guess he is what they would call 'Timeless'.
-- Posted by Have_Wheels_Will_Travel on Fri, Sep 21, 2012, at 11:31 AM
Oooh, that WAS a "dry-humored"-link, there!☺
-- Posted by donknome-2 on Fri, Sep 21, 2012, at 11:35 AM
Coffee is gone.... guess I'll try to do something productive. ☻ ☻
-- Posted by Have_Wheels_Will_Travel on Fri, Sep 21, 2012, at 11:39 AM
I'm 83, and I feel like a 20-year-old, but unfortunately there's never one around. "Milton Burle"
-- Posted by Old John on Fri, Sep 21, 2012, at 11:56 AM
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50
A: Senator.
Q: How does a lawyer sleep at night?
A: First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Three. The rest are true...
-- Posted by dchannes on Fri, Sep 21, 2012, at 3:26 PM
A lawyer,an illegal alien,a pathological liar,a Muslim,a communist and a black man walk into a bar.
Bartender asks "What'll it be Mr President?"
-- Posted by dab1969 on Fri, Sep 21, 2012, at 5:09 PM
For you offended by the last one:
Guy walks in a bar and sits down next to a beautiful blonde lady just as the 10 pm news comes on with a story on a guy threatening to jump off a bridge.
The blonde asks "Do you think he'll jump?"
The guy answers that he will.
The blonde disagrees and bets him $20 the guy doesn't jump.
He takes the bet just as the guy jumps.
Stunned, the blonde hands the man $20.
He pushes the bill back to her and admits he already saw it on the 6 o'clock news.
The Blonde says " Oh, I saw it too, I didn't think he would jump again."
He took the money.
-- Posted by dab1969 on Fri, Sep 21, 2012, at 5:23 PM
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jello and ice cream. It's a breeze.
"The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
"Whoa!" the second kid replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."
-- Posted by Have_Wheels_Will_Travel on Fri, Sep 21, 2012, at 5:36 PM
My uncle lived in Chicago.
He was a staunch conservative and always voted straight line Republican until the day he died.
Now he votes Democrat.
-- Posted by Have_Wheels_Will_Travel on Fri, Sep 21, 2012, at 5:37 PM
Two neighbors were out at the mailbox. Bob tells Tom the next time he has sex with his wife he needs to close the curtains because all the neighborhood was talking about what they saw yesterday. Tom says,"The jokes on you. I wasn't even home yesterday!"
-- Posted by dab1969 on Fri, Sep 21, 2012, at 5:41 PM
The honeymoon is over when the comedians start.
The liberals are asking us to give Obama time.
We agree...and think 25 to life would be appropriate.
--Jay Leno
America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
--Jay Leno
Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
--Conan O'Brien
Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.
--Jay Leno
Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers, and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners.
--David Letterman
Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America !
--Jimmy Fallon
Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.
--Jimmy Kimmel
Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers" program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.
--David Letterman
That's it..... for now anyway.
-- Posted by Have_Wheels_Will_Travel on Fri, Sep 21, 2012, at 5:45 PM
Oooops! Forgot the disclosure. All of those were copy and paste.
-- Posted by Have_Wheels_Will_Travel on Fri, Sep 21, 2012, at 5:48 PM
What do Disneyland and Viagra have in common?
They both have a one hour wait for two minute ride.
-- Posted by dab1969 on Fri, Sep 21, 2012, at 6:09 PM
I can't stop thinking about my new girl friend. She has these great compassionate eyes....they keep looking at each other!
My girl friend had her face lifted....the mugger brought it back!
More Milton Burle
-- Posted by Old John on Fri, Sep 21, 2012, at 11:22 PM
(Future) One sunny day in the latter part of January, 2013, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue where He'd been sitting on a park bench.
He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would Like to go in and meet with President Obama."
The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Obama is no longer President And no longer resides here."
The old man said, "Okay," and walked away. The following day the same man Approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go In and meet with President Obama."
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is no longer President and no longer resides here." The man thanked him and again just walked away.
The third day the same man Approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama.
"The Marine, Understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is The third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Obama. I've Told you already that Mr. Obama is no longer the President and no longer Resides here. Don't you understand?"
The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love Hearing it." The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir.
Don't forget to vote
That old man is depending on you!!!
-- Posted by Have_Wheels_Will_Travel on Sat, Sep 22, 2012, at 12:13 AM
A black man,a Mexican,a Muslim and a redneck were all on a beach when the black guy found brass lamp. When he rubbed the sand off the proverbial Genie appeared. He thanked them all for releasing him and granted each one a wish.
The Black guy thought for minute and said " I wish for a fleet of ships to take my oppressed people back to Africa".
Suddenly a thousand ships appeared on the ocean.
The Mexican was next. " I wish for enough Cheby pickups to take all my people back to our homeland".
With that a parade of Chevy pickups came down the beach.
The Muslim didn't even hesitate. " I want as many camels as it takes to move all my people back to their homelands away from this horrible country so we can praise Allah".
As you expect a herd of thousands of camels appeared.
The Redneck was last. As he looked around at the ships,the pickups and camels he turned to the Genie and said," Just give a Bud Light, it doesn't get any better than this."
-- Posted by dab1969 on Sat, Sep 22, 2012, at 10:29 AM
Menu
I was in a pub last Saturday night, and drank a few, and noticed two very large women by the bar.
They both had pretty strong accents, so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?"
One of them chirped saying, "It's WALES, you friggin' idiot!"
So, I immediately apologized and said, "I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"
That's pretty much the last thing I remember...
Replies (17)